Marriage. Divorce. Dating.

I wasn't willing to wait when I was younger because I had the perfect picture in my heart. I listened to advise from older women who suggested marrying a "good" man when you find one.

I now believe that you can find a good person who is not the right person. I see it every day. I lived it. Two great people but not the best for each other.

Now, as a woman who is not thirsty for the picture or the title, I am finally willing to wait. 
 

I finally understand the value that a good woman adds to a man and vice versa. I love being in love and I love family, but the intent has shifted if that makes sense.

I don't want the show. I don't want the mask. I don't want the representative. I don't need a sugar daddy. Don't need a cosigner.

I want who God has created me to grow with and I finally love myself, my children, and God enough to trust his timing and not my own. It's tough because I'm an all in or all out type woman, so once my heart is there it's really hard to pace myself and not invest too much too soon.

I was married at 22 and I was excited. I was more excited about being married than truly understanding who I was and needed to become for the role. Where is the training for this??? You hear about finding "a good man"...Who teaches them to become one? Who teaches us to become good wives? Not everyone had examples and it's more than a "role". WHO ARE YOU before "finding " this person? Why is no one encouraging younger, single people to embrace a season of independence and self-discovery? Everything is about getting a good "job" and married, so that's what we do. Is it more about "recognizing " who God has with "clear " eyes and spirit once you recognize yourself first?

Understanding me has helped me understand what I deserve and what I bring to the union as well. What is great and what isn't.

I love seeing true love and healthy families!! 
I love love!!!! Lol

But after doing it out of order in a sense ( although I know all things work as they should and I'm a better woman and he is a better man) 
I define love differently now.

Same huge heart. Different standards, boundaries, and wisdom.

It's not about that "checklist " only....
Do you know yourself? Most say yes but have never been alone long enough to know.

Do you know your strengths and weaknesses? Can you admit them?
Can you recognize codependency vs love?Security from a love-based perspective or security from a fear based one?

I'm also trying to flow and not have my guards up so much, so I've decided that if my heart is too big and my energy is too bright, ambition too much, and dreams too big...It's cool. He just isn't the one. I used to try and make it work when I saw things I loved in someone. It must be a mutual love, respect, and value system.

Unfortunately, I didn't want to see or admit when trust and honesty weren't mutual, or sacrifice, or thoughtfulness in past relationships.

Mindset and core values are so critical yet we see an attractive or intelligent person and have lost our mind. We have a heart, mind, and spiritual GPS for a reason. I'm learning to pay attention to all three.

People are so shocked when I ask for dating advice lol. Just because a person is strong in business doesn't mean they have experienced life as you. I never dated really. When I'm in love, that is it. It was always about one person. 
I got engaged and married in college. I've not lived the single life as an adult. My experience was that of a wife which makes me very strong in that area now but very, very, very lol inexperienced dating bc these games are hilarious! I think it's different too bc I am older and don't need a space filler. I have tons of fun and can travel on my own. I am willing to wait on the true friend and grow, not just be with the charmer who just wants a good time. 😂 Although we can be cool, we just aren't having sex and so they eventually get tired of waiting lol!!!!

Thank God for true friends, wise counsel, and family who love us enough to want the best for us even when we want to hold on to "potential "....bc potential becomes less attractive when you meet someone who is progressing to become their best without you forcing it.

Yup. This video sparked all of that lol!!!!! Now let me get out of this rain lol

Tierra Destiny