Mother. Daughter. Anger. Abuse. Abandonment.
So this picture just popped up in my memories. I'm sure you would never imagine this was probably one of the SADDEST weeks and nights of my life. On this night, my mother and I had fought like cats and dogs. I will spare you the details, but the screaming and tension were a lot. She had me at 17 when she was just a girl herself.
Ironically, that was my age in this picture. I was headstrong, opinionated, and was that child that always wanted to express and understand. Now as a mommy, can you say paybacks lol!!!
Anyway, we loved each other so much, but we could not hear each other, understand each other, or express healthy love at that time.
Years later, we have both taken the time and responsibility to heal and commit to the journey of our own truths.
What I love and admire about my mother is that she was willing to face her pain. She did not become a victim of the abandonment, abuse, and poverty of her past. She used it to relocate us from NY to GA for a fresh start.
She was fragile and hurt, but as her daughter, I couldn't understand this at the time. She juggled three jobs, attended school, and did hair on the side. Yes, I owe my ambition and heart for service to my mother's example.
She was so hard on us. Now I can respect why. She wanted us to be better, go farther, and be able to provide for ourselves if ever we found ourselves in an abusive situation as she had been. It makes me cry because she truly wanted the best for us, something she wasn't given, but worked so hard to create.
******The intent to love does NOT discount the pain associated with your approach. *******
( If you disrespect any human being...They WILL lose respect and/or trust for you and it will directly impact the relationship NO MATTER how much they love you. They will go to someone else. I am learning this too.)
That is what I kept screaming through my actions. Don't make me suffer from what others did to hurt you just because you want good things for me.
We couldn't hear each other.
Now that I am older, I realize that God gave me the perfect mom for me. We still bump heads but to be honest, I can finally say I am closer to my mom than I've ever felt.
She respects my space. She allows me to make mistakes. She never likes to ask for anything. She just truly lets me live my life and gives me advice when asked. She is so proud and very supportive. She is honest and I don't always like her delivery because I'm very sensitive when it is coming from her. Some people's pinions just carry more weight as they should.
Many times, I realize, I was looking for love in friendships and relationships that I wanted from mother and father. She made it clear she was not my friend. She was my mom and she had a job to do. I would say that she did a hell of a job! But I still wanted a confidante in my mom, so I reached out to others.
As I've grown and matured, I have so much respect for her. A single 17-year-old woman with two kids, who relocated with $1000, to give me and my sister a fighting chance. It just makes me cry.
I see so many people stay in abusive relationships for the image or for their own satisfaction, with no concern for the trauma this is doing to their children.
If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your babies.
I am so grateful that my mom got fed up with the black eyes and toxic lifestyle to want more for us.
While this picture was taken when I was crowned homecoming queen by all my friends and classmates.... It was the saddest night. I cried so much and people assumed it was an overwhelming joy. I cried because the one person that mattered to me was not there.
I was still grateful and I still smiled and enjoyed the moment as much as I could because I had some amazing friends who got me over a painful bridge. Janina Robinson talked me out of running away, dropping out of high school and this pageant. Two days before she said, “Tierra! No! You can't, you are so close to finishing.” Thank you, Nina, !!! I'll always love you for that elevator talk!
When I look back now, I just pray that other young girls don't get stuck in the pain or confusion of adolescence and don't make irrational decisions.
Think about your future. You are only on one bridge of life. You will cross it and there are many beautiful ones ahead.
And if your mom is very angry and in pain, be patient because you never know what she has been through. I'm glad both me and my mom were willing to admit ours so we could both grow. We are all a work in progress.
I love you. And yes...I'm sitting in my car writing this post. Lol...Maybe this is my new creative safe haven lol.